Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Last post

Since we're broken up, I'll try to make sure I don't bring up too much emotion, but it's gonna be for hard me. I can't say I'm very happy about the break up. I'm glad I asked the question, and that we were honest. But I'm kinda upset it took me asking the question for the problem to be revealed. What if I never asked? We would still have broken up? I feel decieved, and betrayed, and sad. I feel like 4 years of my life was kinda a lie. Was I ever really in love with the real you or just the you that you thought I would love. Was I just dating a fragment of you? Idk, I don't feel like I have closure. Isaiah told me Tori talked to him about us breaking up Tuesday at school. So it sounds like you decided to break up before we really had a chance to discuss our problems. I mean that's fine, that's your decision. I just thought we were gonna talk about fixing it. I'm not trying to point the blame. I just need to vent/explain/write out what's coming through my head. I don't even really need you to read this, I just need to write it. I hope you read it, but that's not why I'm writing this. I still love you. And I hope it's the real you. And I hope we leave the door open. I honestly thought at worst we were just gonna take some time apart and then see where we are. I still wanna try. Not right away, I think we both need to rethink ourselves. I never wanted to hurt you, though I was pretty big headed on certain topics. And you know, if you wanted to get back together, I would never ever bring up pot again. It's not that important at all to me, all things considered. I still love you, and I don't give a shit if it's pathetic or if your secretly fed up with me. That's how I feel, and I think you should know. I would like to see where you are at in a month. And I know we didn't set up anything as far if we were gonna stay friends or not, but I'll always be down to talk, even if it's not about us.